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A Mystery Solved Or Is it?

A mystery some of us seek to find the answer,

A mystery some of us run from,

A mystery that comes from some and doesn’t for others,

So what is this ol’ mystery? ,

Is it happiness?

Is it love?

No, it’s simply this,

The laundry, Oh how it never ends but seems to get cleaned,

The dishes, the hide and seek, never to speak of dishes,

They come, they go, and some even hide,

The litter, oh the litter,

The toys, the crayons, the books scattered about,

The paperwork to be done,

The bills to be done,

The sheets to unfold,

The hair to be a mess,

A call to answer,

A message to reply too,

This mystery is still unknown.

 

 

Written by me, inspired by the thoughts of having a home and a family again.

Reflecting On The Results

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Mindfulness & Reflection

When we hear meditation with mindfulness what are they talking about? Being mindful of our thoughts, emotions, and how our body is. Mindfulness is about being aware of the moment. When we go into meditation intending to reflect on the mindfulness we practice we learn so much about ourselves. What are we fearing? What are we not facing?  Why did this situation appear in our head? Reflection can be a scary thing if we are afraid of what we will see. However, reflection is one of the most powerful tools you can have.

 

 

 

Want to learn more about Mindfulness? Check out this website! Mindfulness Teachings

 

Struggling-A NaNo-wannabe

Every November I get excited about working on trying to write 50,000 words in 30 days. Is it possible? Is it worth it? Yes & Yes. Since 2015, I have yet to finish my word count but with every year my love for writing grows.

This year I have only made it to 13,000 words by the second week but that’s over double what I did last year! I have a secret hope that I’ll make it this year. That this year 50,000 words will be written but if I’m telling the truth it’s probably not going to happen ( and I’m okay with that).

Let me tell you why I’m struggling.

1. I am getting Handfasted on the 26th.

2. We are escaping right after!!! (We get to skip family thanksgiving!) – well mostly.

3. I’m in the process of packing my life up.

4. I started writing for an online magazine/news site (Arpagans.com) – also post on their Facebook Page.

5. I’m going through some “spiritual” challenges/growths.

Now that ^^^^^ is all out on the table here is why I know that I CAN and (hope) that I will succeed this year. While all this is stressing me out, I’m also laying next to the most supportive, uplifting man I have ever been with. He cheers me on even if my writing is just little silly Haikus in his lunch bag for work. He tells me to write, he encourages me, and loves me (when like tonight I’m doubting myself).

The extra writing done on the site has helped challenge my writing abilities and helps with the spiritual side of things. My “boss” Friday has come to become one of sisters from another lifetime. Not only has her site given me strength but she herself has supported me through everything. (She’s also helping with my dress and headdress)

To end my rant for the night and to stop shinning my phone light into his eyes while he is sleeping.

For my NaNoWriMos past, present, or future —> If you are seeing this drop your word counts, your tips/tricks, or just comment your dreams! Send me links to your NaNoWriMo posts!

Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t just over worrying
Anxiety isn’t just being out of breath
Anxiety can be unseen
Anxiety can seen without anyone knowing

Cleaning, baking, twirling hair, cold shower, running hands in hot water, running, extensive chores, preoccupying yourself with multiple things.

Anxiety isn’t just breathing into a bag. It’s for moments not being able to slow down or even move.

At least they’ll have breakfast in the morning 🤷‍♀️

Naming Woman Witches

Part 2-

The pretty & the ugly

As women, as witches- who or what do we owe? Do we owe anyone anything?   Let me stop you there. All that is false. We owe nothing to no one. “The witch owes nothing”- Pam Grossman.

Think about it, they tell woman we owe loyalty to men, to bear children, to cook, to slave, and to not exist beyond our “duties”.  We don’t, we are strong, smart, and witty- this is why we are feared. The term “witch” has been around century’s but it wasn’t till 19th hundreds or so before there was a good/bad type.  I feel woman were labeled as witches because of the public’s fear of their true abilities.

Late Night Inspiration- Part 1

 

Late one evening after a movie showing my partner and I had made a spontaneous trip to BAM. For whatever reason, something called me to go. While I hadn’t really planned on buying anything but maybe a cup of coffee from the in-store coffee house (Joes mugs), I came home with a new book. When we got in I had realized my aisle “Body, mind, spirit- aka witch aisle” had been moved. Five minutes later I found where they moved my space.

Scramming through books, tarot decks, and other pagan goodies only two things really caught my attention. A tarot book that had some pretty cool information for even the serious practitioners and a witches reflection book. Of course, I was indecisive, so I asked a hanging pendulum from the shelf, I got nothing. After the pendulum failed to answer me, I reached out to my partner to help assist me. This is where this post truly begins.

The witch is always at risk but nether-less she persists. -Pam Grossman

Waking the Witch by Pam Grossman so far has been not just inspiring but rejuvenating. I’ll admit writing this, I have only read to page 5. With that being said, how great is a book when you only make it millimeters into the book and you already want to write? The quote above struck a nerve (a good one). As a practicing pagan and well a witch, being out publicly for a little over a year now it still has its struggles. I get death threats, stares, weird emails, and yet I continue to keep fighting. In my community, we are publicly trying to shine a better light on our world but that’s exactly what it is- a fight.

The quote reminded me we as pagans or/and as witches (whichever or whatever you claim as) will forever be at risk but will continue to push forward.

The Case of Equanimity

Tonight, I sat in with a small group of ladies from my local Buddhist Society for class and meditation. The topic was Equanimity. At first, I did not understand what that word meant. As the class went on the words hit so hard in the soul.

So, what is Equanimity? What does it mean to you?

Equanimity is simply the mind being calm through chaos. One of the many things that reached out tonight to me was these two lines: to see with patience- to see with understanding.

What does that mean? For me, it means to understand the situation or person at hand. To be patient no matter how hard it is. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but isn’t that what practice is for? How are habits changed if we don’t practice changing them?

In our meditation, the lady on the podcast used our mind as a “gatekeeper”. Our minds are like a gatekeeper- we can let in things or let out things. We can keep things or let go of things.

When we are sitting with a bad coworker or bad service while out to dinner, do we respond with negativity or do we respond in patience?

We control the gate. We control how we respond. Do we let it affect us? How do we affect others?

To balance ones mind.

To balance ones mind.

 

The number three.

Balance between regret or passion.

To begin or to not.

Equanimity

To see with patience

To see with understanding

Simply to be

To be but to see

To know chaos but to be free

Develop Equanimity

Continue with practice

To be within yourself

To have practice from one moment to the next without pause

Transient

Knowing this is temporary

To breath throughout the chaos

To be accepting of the chaos

Materials, People- all Transient

Take joy in the NOW

You are here but temporary

These things are here but temporary

To remember the good

To remember the bad

In simple terms- to balance within the gate.

You choose your entrance and exit

You choose hate or love

You choose if they come or go

You choose to let it in or keep it out

Hate love peace anger jealousy

All is within your choice

 

Written by Me. Karrie G.

5 Things You Should Put In The Hospital Bag Before Your Hysterectomy!

  1.  Grab a change of loose clothes. 

I grabbed a flowy, oversized dress, a pair of soft stretchy PJ bottoms and a “too big” t-shirt. Most of the time after the surgery is complete, the nurses will allow you to wear your own clothes while you are there. I mean unless you just insist on staying in that cold..back-end showing hospital gown? Plus, you’ll want to wear something comfortable with all the bloating and incisions on the way home.

2. Grab those headphones.

I swear the nurses would have ducked taped me to the wall for my panics if it wasn’t for me listening to my music. Music is a wonderful way to calm down and stay relaxed in a hospital. Naturally, chances you’ll still be anxious but the right song, the right rhythm may just be what keeps you from having a panic attack.

3. Your Phone Charger

Rather, it’s the music or your comfort to contact the outside world, having a charged phone helps the worry.

4.  An Eye Mask 

Why an eye mask? Every few hours a nurse will come in, check your vitals, give you medication in the IV.  Most of the time, they must turn on part of the lights to see. The mask will keep you from being woke up completely and will make going to back to sleep much easier. Plus, who doesn’t want to look stylish after surgery?  Another positive notion- if you have bad anxiety as I do, a blackout mask could help ease the anxiety some while you wait.

5.  Something that comforts you. 

I brought my lap blanket from home. It’s blue, soft, and well smells like home. Maybe it’s a blanket, a stuffed bear, your husbands t-shirt- anything that brings you comfort. Having that piece of home will allow you to feel some ease while going through this time.

 

 

 

Photo by Louise Burton on Unsplash

Story Time- A Hysterectomy

A Hysterectomy of any sort is not the easiest procedure a woman could go through. It’s not only tough on the body but sometimes it’s even more critical on the mind.  For those who don’t know what a hysterectomy is, it’s the removal of the uterus, cervix, tubes and sometimes ovaries. The procedure is usually common for those older into their forties. Unfortunately, some of us have to have it younger because of other health issues.

 

This past week Monday the 5th was my eviction date. I had a total laparoscopy hysterectomy but kept my ovaries. While I think being in my twenties will allow recovery to be faster and easier, it still was major surgery. I think the hardest part of the procedure was the anxiety of it -that and being on bed rest for a month-. I had been waiting for a doctor to take out my IUD for 8 years, but no one would touch my case because it had moved and grown into my uterus wall.  I finally got an OBGYN that would do my surgery but the next problem we ran into was the birth control options. I couldn’t do another IUD because of the scar tissue, my insurance wouldn’t cover a tubal and I sure didn’t have 10 grand to do it, the pills or shots weren’t an option because they interact negativity with my other medicine.

So my options were to use the implant in my arm, practice abstinence (that wouldn’t last for long), or just be cautious. Neither my partner and I, need or desire any more children, so the thought of an accident just scared me even more. While I was panicking over that dilemma, I had another come to appear- the uterine fibroids. I have had fibroids since I had my first child at age 16. They continue to grow and cause all kinds of issues including- my period lasting over two weeks, severe back pain, and painful intercourse. Most of the time fibroids will die off, however, mine has only grown and multiplied. They can be surgically removed but re-growth is common.

My doctor and I had the prevention of uterus cancer talk. Once I had everything laid out in front of me, we had decided the hysterectomy would be best for the present and future of my health. It was a hard decision, but one made without a doubt. I briefly mentioned the emotional pain earlier- so;  Once you have a hysterectomy, there is no turning back like tube tying is.  You can never carry or have a baby again. You can reserve your eggs beforehand but that’s it.

Unfortunately, some people are blessed to have children before their surgery is needed, others not so much. My heart and soul go out to those who couldn’t have children. Even with having two little ones of my own, the thought of a vital organ being removed was very emotional.

The day of surgery I was an anxious mess. I had to be up and at the outpatient hospital at 5:30 am. I was tired from lack of sleep the night before, cranky because my partner couldn’t stay (work calls), and they wouldn’t allow me to have my blanket I brought from home while I was in the pre-op room. Two hours later, I finally got ready to go into surgery. The nurse came in and started the “relaxation” medicine through my iv. This was actually the anesthesia knock out substance. I remember being rolled back in a freezing cold room with bright lights and an extremely weird machine. I was barely awake when they got me to move onto the other surgical table. I could smell the iodine all over it. A little while later, I heard some voices. I opened my eyes and saw these two female nurses trying to get me to wake up. Apparently, my o2 states were way under, the machine was beeping annoyingly loud. They said something about my one lung being elevated or something. They got me to breathe in deeper, and the machine stopped.

They told me to sleep, that I was in recovery and will be in my room soon. Next thing I knew I was in my room. My dearest friend had sat with me for hours as I recovered from the anesthesia. I’ll save you the rest of the story’s details- it’s not as scary as it seems. I could probably finish telling it all the way till the present moment, but I am writing this 3 days post-operation in bed, with 6 pillows, 4 blankets, heating pad, ice pack, a laxative, and a bed full of cats while I recover.  My energy level is low this evening so I’m wrapping this storytime up.  If you want to read more- come back this week for my other posts regarding today’s story.

 

For those of you PO of recovering like myself, I send out hugs and virtual gas relief!!

A Case Of Writers’ Block

Mrs. Cardinal, I have been stuck in a writers rut for sometime now. What is your advice on getting out of writers’ block?

Ms. Rain, writers’ block has always been around for a lot of us.  My go-to is to write about what you know.  As common as that goes among us writers, it’s a winner. Take something from your current life that is heavy on your soul and write about it. Even if you never publish it, just getting words down on paper (or screen) is the first step.  Writer’s block is like a cardiac patient who needs a defibrillator.  The defibrillator is our connective waves of thoughts that need to be pumped into our train of thoughts.  Take your defibrillator and start thinking!

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