My story

Hi my name is Karrie

It started when I was little

My depression came from hereditary

but also my child hood

I was abused mentally and physically by the ones I trusted

I was told I was worthless

I was told I was a mistake

I wanted to beilieve they were lieing

but I knew what my parents told was the ”trueth”

so at the age of 5

I remember holding my breath in hope of passing out and not coming back

I ran away before I was 7

But soon they caught me

I wanted to die

the pain was unbearable

I fell asleep with my face in pillow

in hope they wouldn’t hear me cry

My life was misserable

I was in misery

but soon i realized I was just a stone they walked on

I moved back and forth from parents

my dad always in jail

my mom never around

My grandparents tried

but I believedmy parents

so I lied

The state came in

I thought there was hope

till my dad said he’d change

So once again I lied

in hope what was said

would come alive

I cut my wrist

I even cut my chest

he never changed

it was all a lie

I couldn’t believe I was still alive

When I 17 I had my first child

she was beautiful

my angel

but soon my happy ending came crashing down

I married and then pregnant again

I was scared for life wasn’t easy with a child but another child

being single and alone

raising children I didn’t even know how to

After divorcing I moved out of state

hoping life would change but

what was ahead of me I had no idea

I got into drugs and denied my depression

my children suffered as I lied

after a 2 years I did the best thing I could

and gave them to my grandparents

so in hopes they would have better

I didn’t know what to do

the pain started coming back

so i drank it away till morning

A relationship was coming my nightmare

I was living with a man

who was like my father when I was a child

I was abused once again

soon i left but soon I fell

after thinking everything was okay

I fell into a black hole called depression

I got worried

I got scared

soon I drank more

and after I bought me a gun

I told myself it was for protection

but I knew my plan

If I had to I would pull it

I only needed one bullet

after relazing the gun was in my hand

I called 911

I soon said my goodbyes once again to my children

for the hospital was going to take me away

I spent a life in a empty room for time that I don’t want to remember

it seemed like it was a lifetime but only really a short time

I got my help but the death still dwelled in me

I went to a meeting where a lady inspired me

I went home and never let go of my children

She made me realize that all that was told was lies

that I was too Gods child

I became content instead of upset

I didn’t cry as often and became stronger

it takes some help

even medicine for some

I am now in college and working part time with my own business

I took my camera and made it my anti-death

You must find out for yourself

that you too are special and beautiful

Life isn’t always beautiful

but its always a blessing.

 

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3 thoughts on “My story

  1. You’re so beautiful! I’m sad you had to go through so much. I can’t even comment on the things you have been through. But what’s important is that you didn’t give up and you fell down and got right back up! For that alone, you’re truly amazing!

  2. Oh, Karrie, there is so much pain here. I’m so sorry you’ve suffered so much, but it sounds like you’ve learned to use your past to make your present and future better. And to make you stronger.

    May you continue to live with HEART!!!

    Blessings,
    Dani

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