I ended my life… I wasn’t going to make it

Imagine your laying there in a room of of white walls with strangers poking and yelling at you. You don’t know what is going on, where you are at or even who these people are. Your laying there in pain in your chest, having problems breathing, you can’t feel your body and then it happens. The machines start to sound off loud you get the dizzy and soon your gone. Pitch black,no more heart beat, no more you. Your family comes and mornes over your body. You can’t see them but you can hear some faint voices in the background crying. You want to reach out and hold their hand to comfort them but you can’t. The doctors come in and say something about an overdose and that the damage is fatal. Something about she won’t make it through the night.

It was a very scary December night. I was in a black hole that I couldn’t get out of. I tried to reach out but it was too late. I dumped the bottle of my psych meds into my mouth. While crying out loud to end the pain Something told me to turn around that its not too late.. I ignored it at first but then it hit me like a brick.

I was about to REALLY die if I did not get some help soon. I turned around and pulled into the driveway. By this time my legs were going numb,my chest hurt and my fingers were like they weren’t there anymore. I staggered in the night into the house falling unto the couch still bawling my eyes out. They came over and asked what was going on.. I faintly said to call 911 that I tried to take my own life. I took a lot of pills and was in a lot of pain.

It was gods angels holding the doctors and staff working to save my life. After a week in the hospital and transferred to a psychiatric hospital I am on the road to recovery. I still have problems with my legs and hands going numb. Doctor says it could be a permanent thing. I can’t drive, run with my children, or do any of my normal favorite activities.

This is written in true facts in hope that my story will inspire or encourage someone else. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Depression can be helped. You are not alone. Think you have it worst then anyone? Then go admit yourself to a psychiatric hospital and see for your self. For now stay strong and call someone if you are feeling on the lows. If your thinking about ending it get HELP NOW! Before its too late.

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3 thoughts on “I ended my life… I wasn’t going to make it

  1. I’m sorry that this happened to you. I’ll pray for you and hope God gives you the strength to overcome the challenges along with returning your health. I also those who are going through the same thing may find this blog post before anything happens to them as well even if they don’t post or follow you. As long as they look at it, it will change their life and way of thinking giving them a brighter future ahead.

  2. Thank you Driagoolinde, it has been a hard road to recovery but with hope,faith and support I am over coming my challenges. I wrote this in fear it would trigger someone but like you said I hope someone reads this and finds this inspiring. Depression along with many other mental illnesses out there is a hard diseases to fight but with hope anything is possible. In Habakkuk 2:2 write the vision and make it plain. If you want to get better you have to make effort to be healed. Self help, therapy, medication or whatever works for that person. Recovery starts with you. Like a wise woman once told me recovery is 10% help 90% self. You have to be willing to accept your disorders and start helping yourself. Don’t worry about yesterday for yesterday is already gone. Your decision that you make today will affect tomorrow.

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