Survival or love


All my life, both my parents have been in and out of relationships. I rarely saw or heard either one of them without someone attached to their hips. As most do I followed them. But instead of leading people on I just had flings. Usually lasted a couple weeks, some even lasted a few months. I hated the word dating. It was almost like the word hell inside a catholic church. I didn’t date no matter how many blind dates my friends set me on. Some of those were REAL winners..NOT! I got married at 18 after having a little girl. Him and I were barley in a relationship. The night before the wedding he told me he was cheating again.. but stupidly we went on and got married. That lasted not even a month till I was pregnant again and he left us. That topped off my list of reasons not to date. I have always have been the type to find the good in people but always try to hide their cons. So I chose not to date.

When I turned 20 I met a guy. For awhile it was just a party thing until he introduced me to his kids vs versa. We dated for two years, it was magical. Perfect little family. Until once again he found someone better. After numinous times of cheating back and forth we finally just looked the other way. Neither of us could leave one another and no matter what the other done we would help as best as we could. For the last three years of my life I have been what I call in ”survival mode”. In a relationship but only to make it every day. He provided the money, I took care of all four kids and the house. On occasion our floods of emotions would outburst and spend weeks without saying two words to each other. But eventually after several temps in the past years I left. I finally left and moved forward.

After awhile I found someone. Someone who knows me like he has been here my whole life. Someone who endlessly makes me laugh and reminds what a miraculous woman I am. At first it was just a fling like the rest. But every time, every second I spent with him I became greedy for his time. Wanting more and more. After a couple months I finally realized that I found my best friend, and now a almost perfect lover. We have been through some trials ourselves from trying evolve our relationship since neither one of us had a serious relationship in quite some time. But I am ecstatic to say we are doing well. We have both now started working on those pesky flaws..You know the ones that we CAN change and started pursing each others goals in life. While he is behind me snoring like a log at now 12:30 am, I can say I am truly blessed by this wonderful person god has brought in my life. But to the point of my question today. Is it possible to have a true relationship without having to go into ”survival mode” every time something bad happens? Is survival mode just a learned thing or a instinct that I developed from my parents. How about it ladies?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s